What To Do If Your ParentsKick You Out (Part One)
First of all, I would love to commend your effort in searching for answers in this kind of situation, and not doing the first thing that came to your mind. We tend to act irrationally when things are not working out as planned or when we get emotional. This can be a good thing, but we are more likely to go the way.
Let us get back to the main reason you are here
Life is in phases, the majority of us see our parents as heroes, mentors, best friends, confidants, you name it when we are toddlers or before we hit teenage age. As we grow older, we no longer see our parents as those glorified persons we used to see them, some of us even see them as the enemy, who wants nothing but our downfalls. Here’s the truth, no true parent would want to see their kids suffer. Even though it does not seem like it, they love and care about you.
Well…if that is true, why did they send me out of the house? I know this question will be raging through your mind right now, but let me ask you a question, have you ever heard of “tough love”?
Despite how weird or unbelievable it sounds, your parents were once like you, probably they acted worse, and they got the consequences of their actions. This is the reason most parents tend to be hard on their kids, and they do not want them to make the same mistakes they did. Their actions bore out of fear of losing you, and the love they have for you. However, only a few parents will admit this truth because they do not want you to see them as weaklings or the “imperfect parent”. There is an adage in my place, which states, “What an old man sees when sitting down, a child will not see it even when he climbs the top of a tree” they are trying to prevent you from making costly mistakes. You may not get it now, but you will in due time.
The reasons behind their actions
There are many possible reasons why your parents would send you packing. Do not get me wrong; I am not saying all parents are angels sent from God to save you. There are actually irresponsible parents; however, the type of parent you have does not determine who you are as a person. You define who you are in life, not your parents, friends, or teachers- these people may influence you, but you are the one who does the choosing. Below are some of the reasons behind your parent’s “unfair” decisions;
They want you to grow up
Some parents are most likely to send their children out of the house when they…the teenagers do not appreciate what they have; they feel entitled to the things they enjoy while living with family. If you are not the grateful type, there is a fat chance this is what triggered your parents’ decision.
Mind you; not all parents see this as a way of training the kid to become more grateful, and less ungrateful. If you find yourself in this situation, I suggest you take a break from your parents and try to survive on your own. There are many excellent and life-changing things to learn outside the protective covering of your parents. When I was growing up, I was such a sassy little miss! I expect my parents to do stuff for me because after all, it is their job. I barely say “thank you” and grumble if the demands are not FULLY meant. I learnt the hard way- I lost both parents before I turned thirteen, and my sisters and I were forced to learn fast. We stayed with my paternal uncle and his wife and five children (4 girls and one boy). The transition felt like walking 10 kilometers every day with sands in your shoes. Yeah, it was that difficult. I learned how to do many things, such as farming, oil milling, and sometimes had to beg some laborers to work with them in building sites to raise money for personal stuff like panties, snacks, sometimes textbooks- the things I took for granted when my parents were alive. My uncle is always traveling, and his wife never saw it as a duty to get these necessities for the kids even though we worked for her. In fact, they never paid our school fees; we kept hearing “there is no money, contact your aunty (my maternal aunty) to send you money”.
Do not get me wrong, I had options to go the “easy” route, stealing or using my body to get money, but I did not. To be sincere, one of the reasons I decided to work legally for my money is because, during the early stage of my parents’ death, I overhead my paternal relatives telling my uncle’s wife that we (my sisters and me) will never amount to anything. I was bent on proving every single one of them wrong! Before I do anything, I scrutinize it if it will bring shame or honor before daring to try it. This does not mean I didn’t make mistakes growing up, I made a lot of mistakes, and I learned from them, also learned from the mistakes of others.
Your parent sent you packing; I have to say you are still one of the luckiest people on earth. My parents did not send me packing, life sent me packing from them. I don’t get to see them, hear from them, or show them the woman I have become.
What to Do If Your ParentsKick You Out (Part Two)
If you are reading this article for the first time, I suggest you read the first part of the article for better understanding.
Learn And Grow From The Process
One of the fastest ways to grow up is when you stop feeling entitled, let me quickly drop this here “your parents owe you nothing” surprised? Yes! It is a fact, the only thing they owe you is birth, which they have done. If you want to go far in life, then you need to start taking responsibilities, and not giving your parents to shoulder for you.
A wise man once said, “With responsibility comes power” and not the other way around. Let this sink in for a moment. Almost everyone craves for power, but only a few take responsibilities. The level of power you have now, is the level of responsibilities you are taking in your life.
See The Lessons From The Transitions
I know you are angry, frustrated, and ready to do anything just to spite your parents. Here’s another truth you need to hear. You are not dishonoring your parents by doing the things they hate or preach against. Your parents chose the life they are living now whether consciously or unconsciously. You are doing the same too, if you decide to be a better person today, it is solely your choice, and you alone will reap the consequences of your actions.
When I was living with my uncle, I met a girl let’s call her Jane…okay? Jane was living with her parents and her three siblings. She got angry because her parents could not give her what she wanted, so she decided to get it no matter what. We attended the same high school together; I was the “novice” while she was among the popular big kids in school. Jane is a gorgeous young woman, and she decided to use her beauty to earn some money for herself since her parents could not afford her expensive taste. Well, then a lot of us envied her, one of her boyfriends bought a phone (mobile phones were not common, especially among teenagers like us). At first, she enjoyed the ride, but today she wished she had chosen a different path. Even though she did it at first to spite her parents, she alone is reaping the reward of her past actions, not the parents.
If you want to be bad, be bad because you want to, and not because you are trying to show someone you can be bad all by yourself. Likewise, if you’re going to be good, be good knowing it is the right thing to do. Your place in life today is because of the decisions you took yesterday. If you think your parents are too hard on you, relax; it is because you are a diamond in the rough. You know the tedious processes a raw diamond or gold must go through before it lands in the jewelry stores for you and I to admire?
The most significant room in the world is the room for improvement; there is always enough room for improvement. No one is perfect, correct- but it does not stop you from stopping habits that are harmful to your health. You need to be healthy to scale through this journey successfully. Make a list of what people complain about you, and try to work on them. Read motivational books by great authors, learn from people around you. Seek advice from those who have gone ahead of you, weigh your options before taking any decisions.
Unleash Your Potentials
This is not going to be easy- life itself is not for the weak. This is the time to surround yourself with people who can positively enhance your life and not the ones that will complicate your life even more.
You are so much more than you can imagine right now, even though your present condition does not show it. However, the steps you take will determine how fast you will stay in this condition.
Be Grateful For The Little You Have
Appreciation opens more doors, if you are not happy with the little you have now, you will never get the ones you wish to have. Imagine buying a present with your last $5 and gave it to your sibling on her birthday, she takes it grudgingly- complaining about how she was expecting a bigger one, how would you feel? Your parents feel that way anytime you refuse to appreciate the “little” they are doing for you.
I never knew how helpful and vital my parents were to us until I lost them. It works the same way with God too; when you thank God for his finger, you will get his Hand. Pause for a minute or two, take out a sheet of paper and write down ten things you are grateful for- 10 things that have ever made you smile. Literally counting your blessings help you to live a grateful life, when you are thankful, you will be joyful, and when you are joyful, you unconsciously opening new doors for you.
Do Not Hate Your Parents For Their Actions
Hate is a powerful emotion that is capable of damaging any destiny, but the good news is, love is greater. Instead of hating your parents for what they have done to you, love them, and thank them for the help they have rendered so far, no matter how little you think it is. This may seem hard to do, but the more you hate and hang on to the unfavorable past, the more stagnated you become. There is a lesson behind everything you are going through today, and you have to learn from the situation. However, hatred and anger will not make you see past the hurdles. There is a lesson to learn from every situation whether positive or negative.
Practical steps to take when your parents kick you out of the house
- Locate the closest homeless shelter, if you do not have anywhere else to go
- Get a job
- Set a budget for yourself, there is no free money out there, so you have to spend wisely
- Reduce your spending habits; do not spend above your means, learn to manage your finances
- Pay any debts and build your credit
Encourage Yourself: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13