Before You Throw Your Marriage Away, Consider This First
Before you sign those divorce papers, I would like you to take a minute or perhaps five minutes of your time to read this; it is specially written for those who are tired of their marriage and feel divorce is the only solution to solve the problem. So, I need you to drop the pen and open your mind to what you are about to read.
First of all, this article is not trying to stop you from quitting on your marriage, neither is it trying to encourage you to quit on your partner. However, it aims to show you some things you ought to know, that will make a difference in your life. Moreover, you can choose to go ahead with the divorce after reading the article. All I ask is for you to open your mind and learn a thing or two.
Secondly, I would like to congratulate you… yes, you for getting to this point. It means you are willing to learn something that will create a positive impact in your life.
Do you know there is a blueprint for everything God created including marriage? God is the instigator of marriage. (Genesis 2:18–25): “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”
The above scripture shows God’s stance on marriage, and for God to be the founder of marriage, it shows marriage is good (Genesis 1:31).
If marriage is good, why are there so many broken homes? The answer to these questions lies in the word of God. Let us look at some chapters in the bible
(Ephesians 5:21-33) “21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having a spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this, cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
The chapter shows us the way God wants it to be; it is not for His selfish reasons, but for our good.
How can I submit to a man who makes me unhappy?
Before I continue, I will like to tell you the truth about happiness; no one can make you happy except you. If you depend on humans as your source of happiness, I am sorry to say this, but you will end up being unhappy for a very long time. Everyone knows the verses we just read; some even recite it, just to drive home their point, but do we understand the meaning of the verses? We sometimes get tired when our partner is not “cooperating” or reciprocating the effort, love, or care we are putting in the relationship and then anger sets in. (Verse 22) speaks on how women should submit to their husband; submit to your husband as you would submit to God. Do you worship God because of what you aim to get from Him or do you worship Him because of Who He is?
Worshiping God for who He is and not for what He can give you is the right way to serve our Father. If you can get this right, you will be able to see what God meant by (Ephesians 5:22). God wants you to submit to your husband not because he does everything for you, but because he is your husband and God told us to do so. Marriage is not an avenue to trade emotions; if he loves me, I will be submissive. No! Take the “trade by barter” mindset away from your marriage; it won’t work! The mindset may work in your business, but not in marriage. Marriage is selfless and not selfish. Until you understand this, you will keep seeing divorce as the only solution to your unhappiness.
How can I love a woman who is not submissive to me?
Verse 25 of the same chapter portrays the real picture of how God wants men to love their wives. Unfortunately, you cannot fully understand the love God has for us unless you are born again. However, I will try to explain it as simple as possible for all to understand. Christ loves the church (you and I) that He lay His life to rescue us from destruction even while we didn’t know Him. God wants you to love your wife, in good times and in bad times. No one is perfect; we all are working towards perfection. So, the level of submission in your wife shouldn’t reduce the love you have for her. It did not reduce the Love Christ has for the church, so why should you dislike your wife just because she is not submissive? (John 15:12): “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
What if, it is too late?
It is never too late to fight for your marriage. ( 1 Corinthians 13:13): “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” As you continue to love and submit to your spouse, you need to have faith in your marriage and hope for a positive change.
For every action, there is an equal reaction
Do you remember the joy you felt during your wedding, and probably the early days, weeks, months or even years of your marriage? I believe you are asking yourself “ what went wrong?” the mistakes most couples make is omitting the “dating” from their marriage and focus on other things except their partner. It is not because they no longer love their spouse, but because they are so used to their partners that they do not feel the need to “impress” them. The bible speaks about divorce, it actually uses the term “putting away”
Some marriages experience a drastic decline in love for one another immediately kids join the equation. This is not right, children are God’s gifts to add the extra spice to the marriage, but it is not a recipe for a loveless marriage. You and your partner met before the kids, and you will still be together after the kids leave the nest. You (you and your partner) are all you have. If you think your kids will be with you forever, think again. Just as you left your parents, your children will do the same. So, why neglect the one permanent person in your life for people who will leave as soon as they can stand on their own feet? Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” No one stands for businesses, friends, family, children, neighbors, etc.
I am not saying you shouldn’t take care of your children; there should be a balance. Learn to carve out time for your partner; remember, your children are watching and learning from you. if you do not show love to your spouse, they may not show love to theirs when they grow up. Take your time to think how you and your spouse found yourself in the current loveless marriage, retrace your steps (apologize if you have to) and work things out from there.
How do I love my spouse?
The amazing thing about the Word of God is, it has the latest solution for every problem including your marriage. Below are scriptures that will show you how to love your partner. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5): “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
1 Peter 3:7: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” (Ephesians 4:32): “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”( Ephesians 4:2): “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Hebrews 10:24-25): “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
(Ephesians 4:2-3): “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Cost of divorce can vary, Nolo.com
Encourage Yourself: Where do I start?
The best way to start, is to invite Jesus Christ into your home; rededicate your marriage to God, and He will help you save your marriage. (2 Corinthians 5:17) “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Do not get a divorce, wait on Jesus and allow Him to help you.
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)
Jesus answered, “It was because of your hardness of heart that Moses permitted you to divorce; but it was not God’s way from the beginning. 9) Now I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman,commits adultery.” 10) His disciples said to Him, “If this is the case between a man and his wife, it is better not to marry.” Note that I don’t believe in divorce unless someone is abusive. But I do realize in today’s world many are divorcing. I will say it is better to leave than to stay and make each other uncomfortable or unhappy.
Many will get a divorce anyhow, but remember it is not God’s way. There are many methods and resources to utilize if a divorce is your only way out. Sources below are as follow:
How To File For A Divorce; DivorceNet.com