Youth Minister’s Sexual Indiscretions

The story of a Youth Minister’s Sexual Indiscretions: Note that resistance only pushes against those trying to rise. Ask yourself have you been truly converted? This is a question that only  you can answer, but allow me to inform you that, you must be true to thine own self. A Youth Minister’s  Sexual Indiscretions with a minor is against the law, as well as against the principles of God. If not careful, you will find your self in a peculiar predicament. These tips and techniques will surely help you if you earnestly desire to be converted.

Today I am tired and I refuse to go to church with my parents, dad was so angry. But my mom told him just give me a moment to myself. I rejoice in the fact that they could possibly go to service without me, the fact that he even allowed it blows my mind. I must tell you the truth, for about nine months now I have been sleeping with the youth pastor. I know you are wondering, how old am I? Well in September I will be 15 years old. It’s a little young, but it happens. The best thing anyone can do is pray. Ministers and Pastors are human. I don’t think many set out to stumble and fall. But many pastors, and especially Youth Minister’s do, but this story is about the Youth Minister’s Sexual Indiscretions.

No Judgment Zone: Try hard not to judge me, I began hanging out with his daughter when we first moved into our new house. My parents were looking for a church in the neighborhood. Dad didn’t want us to drive far, and maybe I could even walk on Friday evenings for Youth Ministry. That’s exactly what happened. It was fun, hanging out with my peers, getting to know everybody. They seem so cool, I was accepted, no judgments, we all had the same issues. from life, school and worst of all our parents.

I was especially fond of this girl named Samantha (We are calling her Samantha, to protect her privacy, and I am Nicky).  She showed me how to apply my makeup, how to sit when my dress was a little short, and even invited me to a pool party at her house on the following Saturday. Of course I had to ask my parents, but there was no doubt they’d say yes. After all, they are the ones who wanted me to get involved. It turned out that Samantha didn’t to the high school in the neighborhood, as I assumed she did. She had graduated the year prior, and was attending the local college to cut cost on her minor subjects and then transfer to a university. She was a part of the youth ministry, and always invited groups of kids to her house to swim, listen to loud music and play games.

Having A Blast: It seem to be the thing, but I loved it. Everyone was so cool to me, and the pool parties would be so lit. This went on for two or three months, and before you know it, she ask me to spend the night. Mom and dad would say yes, and I would tear out the door, man did we have fun. Now every other Saturday a group of us girls were hanging out at Sam’s house. Her dad would allow us to pretty much get away with murder. We frequent the movies, the pizza joints, the malls, and would stay up half the night, knowing we would be too tired to get up on Sunday mornings to go to church, but we did it anyway.

I am an only child, there was nothing happening at home, daddy fussing, and my mother up his tail, just like a little puppy. I loved being away from home. Every chance I got, I hit the streets. Even when daddy would fuss about me being too young to hang out like I did. Somehow mom managed to distract him enough to the point that he begin to lighten up. He told my mom, this could lead to nothing but trouble, but her take was and she could be at home and still have issues. ” Just let go a little she said”. You have to trust and give teens a little space.

As we were sitting at Sam’s one Saturday night, I guess it had to be 10:30 pm. A few of the girls had fallen asleep, we were all in Sam’s room packed like Sardines, stuffy, cramped, but still fun. Sam and I began to talk seriously, I asked about her mom and her absence, which was a touchy topic for Sam, but she graciously shared how her mother was taking too soon. Her mother had Breast Cancer, and how God needed her more. This little comment made me feel as if God might be a bit selfish. How could he need her mother more than Samantha did. I hated that she shared that little bit with me, but I told myself I guess that’s what she needed to deal with the situation.

Late Night Snack: I excused myself and went to the kitchen to get some soda and just one more slice of pizza, I was starving. The house was quite, her dad was in the den apparently going over his lesson for Sunday. I made small talk for what seem like five minutes, certainly no more than ten. He stood up and approached me, I could see Sam, but she turned around and disappeared as fast as she appeared. Her dad begin to compliment me on how beautiful I was, he wanted to know my age, what school I attended, and who my parents were. He mentioned how people, especially the young people looked up to him. Wanted to know if I wanted to see some photos of the many trips and adventures he had taken the youth ministry on, Haiti, Mexico City, Hawaii, and Disney world just to name a few. Of course I said yes, I thought nothing of it, after all I wasn’t sleepy, it was only about midnight at that point. At home, I stayed up later than that.

Honestly I would have thought the pictures, the photo album would have been in the living room or family room. So we are sitting in his bedroom on the side of his bed. Once he could convince me it was okay to enter. You never recognize certain things until afterwards, but when you are laughing and being silly, you don’t see it at first. What I mean when I say that, well things are moving so fast, you miss the touch on the leg, he’s moved closer, silly things are being said because of the pictures, and that little poke in your side. He tells your smile lights up the room, you smell good, what is that fragrance? Maybe because I am so young and naive, I couldn’t see it at first, not until he asked for a kiss.

Yes, I was taking back by the question, and yes, something about it begin to peek my curiosity. Maybe it’s the age I am, that I begin to immediately thrive for more of the attention he was giving me. No one has to tell me it’s wrong, If I didn’t know it before, I know it now. I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t enjoy what happened next. At this point in my life, that are so many emotions going on, I’m scared, my body is feeling something it has never felt before. At that point in time, I had no one to cry out to. Did I want it? Had he awaken something in me I had never felt before? Would I get pregnant? What if I liked it and wanted more? After all, I was told I was a woman now when my cycle started. Am I a woman? It’s my body, but I am feeling lost.

A Simple Touch: My youth minister caressed me, he touched me in ways I never thought possible, yeah I know I’m just 14 years old. What could I possibly know? I don’t confess to know anything. I too, see my self as a kid. Two things kept playing in my head, I was told I came into my womanhood, and the way this strange man called minister, touched me. The incidents moved so fast that particular night, before I knew it, I was lying on his bed. He had undressed me almost at the speed of lightening, it seem a bit seductive. He stroked my hair, as well as my arm, he told me it would be okay. He would be gentle, he would take his time, I would enjoy it, and that he would stop if I said the word. He told me my safe word would be “Please”.

He was full of compliments, soft quiet whispers in my ear, as he lay on top of me. His flesh, his naked flesh on top of my flesh. He was hairy, he was STRONG. after about 10 minutes, he applied some type of gel like stuff within my vaginal. He said it would help so he didn’t hurt me, although he claims I had plenty of my own. I asked my own what? “Lubricant” he said. “What about my parents, I asked? He instructed me never to reveal our secret, because we would both be in trouble”. I knew if my dad found out, he would literally kill this man. He insisted I promise, so I did. He proceeded, he told me how smart I was, how soft my skin was, and begin to enter me. The pain! OMG! I thought I would die initially, I cannot begin to tell you how painful it was, I wanted to scream!

He Loves Me: I had to muffle my sounds, with his assistance. He applied some more Lubricant, and was slowly working his way around my vaginal, my body and my heart. He told me that he loved me. It warmed my heart, “Wow, he loves me”,  I thought.  He said if you can move your hips, maybe in a circular motion, he took his hands and started moving my hips. Relax and you will feel this intense feeling so great, it will make you desire more. He said “it’s indescribable”. Well, I did just what he said. After getting over the pain I experienced at first. I would be lying to you if I told you, I didn’t enjoy it. I did, he made me feel real good, and every other time after that. It got to the point where we were together everyday after I got out of school.

Especially the first three months, until my dad started monitoring my whereabouts. Daddy stated one Friday evening at dinner, “little lady if you think you are going to be hanging out with Samantha this weekend, you are sadly mistaken”. My spirit is telling me that something is wrong. So from this day forward, you can only go if you have my permission, not your mom’s, only mines Nicky”. Do you understand? Well of course I said yes, this man was a force to be reckoned with, and I cherished life just a little too much, to buck up against him. I wondered maybe he heard little whispers around the church or something concerning the youth minister.

After an invite to the mall, Saturday morning I ran off to hang out with some girls from school. The phone rang, and it was Samantha. We chatted, she wanted to come get me, I jumped at the chance to go hang with her and her dad. After eating, I begin to vomit, I felt so terrible,  all I wanted to do is go home. They tried to encourage me to sleep it off, and if I wasn’t feeling better, Sam would take me home. I was better, and thought it was just something I had eaten. It was beginning to get dark and I knew I had to get home soon. But not before having some time with Sam’s father.

Morning Sickness: Upon arriving to my house, Sam had to stop the car for me, because I felt the need to vomit again. Sam suggested maybe I was pregnant. This freaked me out, she told me to calm down, go to sleep and she would drop off a pregnancy test for me. She left me hanging, and never showed back up that night. But when I woke up Sunday morning, I felt even worse, if that’s possible. I managed to convince my mom and dad to let me stay home from church. After they were gone, thank God Samantha showed up with the pregnancy test. She helped me because I had no clue what I was doing, I was sick, and nervous as all hell. We did it, now just waiting on the results. I knew it, I’m carrying the youth minister’s child. This is bad, I thought to myself. Panic sets in.

It’s Confirmed: I cry, and force Samantha to leave. I take a shower and curl up in the bed. I cry to God to help, I’m too young to be a mom. People are going to look at me strange. What will my parents do? I wonder. I need help! I don’t even want any kids, After the first time,  we used protection and that was months ago. Will God forgive me? Will my parents be disown me? What will happen to the Youth Minister, if this gets out? Maybe I should have an abortion, Is abortion murder? Maybe when I get older he and I can be together, He said he loves me, Am I kidding myself? It is confirmed, I have a real problem. Why God, Why?

Yes I know I had a real problem when I was being sexual with this man. I almost gave no thought to that part, because after time I had grown to love this man and his daughter. He and I had a great connection, so I thought, but we were intimate. He made me feel special. He knew everything about me. The moles, my birthmark, the shape of my tiny breast, and that tender spot that managed to get the best of me. The point is, they are not just his Sexual Indiscretions, but they are mines as well. I could have run the other way, I could have told my parents, I then could made the separation between Samantha and I. I didn’t, I didn’t do anything of the sort. In fact, I gave more of myself.  I was like the sponge soaking it all in. I am young, but I am in love with him. It was my first, my only. I know it’s not right, but please don’t ruin his life because of his sexual indiscretions.

I vow to God, to never do this again. Never to give myself to any other man or boy if he is not my spouse. I will keep your word sacred, I will keep it Holy God. I know my parents will be greatly disappointed, and I know they will scold me for my misconduct.  I am about to be a mother, can they really scold me? I hate my self right now and feel very guilty for my sins. But I am not sorry, remorseful, or regretful for being in love this man. The torture my dad gives me won’t be nothing compared to not being able to see him, will be to me. Say what you will, but it is what it is. Once my parents find out I am carrying his child, It will be such a huge deal at church. I feel the need to protect him. At the same time my emotions are all over the place.

Anita & Courtney has allowed me this opportunity to share my story, and for that I thank them. But what would you do, and what is best overall? Remember he who is without sin, cast the first stone! Have you ever found yourself in a situation concerning Sexual Indiscretions?

Encourage Yourself: 

(Romans 3:23-24) 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

(Romans 6:23) 23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

(1 John 1:19) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

(Ephesians 6:10) Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

Your perpetrator could be anybody, your father, brother, teacher, the Sunday school teacher, youth minister, cousin, sister, mother, grandfather, neighbor, uncle, aunt or pastor. You never know, until it happens.

I had some personal issues where I myself, was put in a situation of being sexually abused. I never spoke up about it until after I became grown. So I tell you young people today( April 17, 2018) Please do not do the same thing I did. SPEAK OUT! SPEAK OUT NOW! Don’t worry who gets angry with you, as long as you are telling the truth. TELL YOUR TRUTH! I love you and pray you have the courage to confess the sins of your perpetrator and then confess to God. He will help you, I tell my story any chance I get, if I feel it’s going to help someone. You can do the same. Pray for this young girl and God Bless you!

ENCOURAGE YOURSELF: This bring great sorrow to me because the world is wicked, and everyday you hear about some nasty man, thinking he has the right to sexually overcome some young kid. Let’s admit it, it’s mostly men. No offense to the good ones. These filthy adults and the violation of our youth of today, and have no apologetic morsel in their bodies. Trust me when I say their offense will not go unpunished. Even if the penal system fails us, there is still God. Because of the system, and the way it is, that is the reason why many take matters into their own hands. Not a good thing, but it happens.

There needs to be speedy trials, swift convictions, and severely punished for their mentally careless acts of unlawful, ill-mannered behavior. To make atonement for their sins, they need to first repent and ask for forgiveness from the victim as well as God.  God is just enough to forgive. We never have to take matters into our own hands, because God let’s us know that in his word, vengeance is His, He shall repay.

Do you need help working something out? Do you want to talk to someone who understands, like another teen? We’re here to help! Call (310) 855-HOPE or (800) TLC-TEEN (nationwide toll-free) from 6pm to 10pm PST.

Safe Horizon’s Rape, Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline
Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-621-HOPE (4673)
Crime Victims Hotline: 866-689-HELP (4357)
Rape, Sexual Assault & Incest Hotline: 212-227-3000
TDD phone number for all hotlines: 866-604-5350

Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week
http://www.safehorizon.org

 

 

 

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