Many have said, not to share your personal business with the world. Well I am not a shamed any more, for I was the victim; and I cannot help but be open about who I am. I am over what happened to me as a child. I hold no bitter indignation against my perpetrator. When I realized I was pregnant with my daughter I reached out by letter to my sister who moved away from home, to another state; never to return. No! she did not respond to my letter; which stated I forgave her. I briefly heard her voice in 2001 when mom passed away. My oldest sister had contacted her, so she was just returning that call. It was 1982 when I saw last her. Many of my siblings will not like the fact that I am sharing so much information; But I own the rights to this story.
I wondered around angry and hopeless for many years, I was quick to curse you out and fight as well. When I thought I had found great friendships in certain people, things would take a negative turn; and there I was back in a bad situation. Some my fault and of course some of the blame belong to the other person. Such as the evangelist who came on to me from a particular church, and when all hell hit the fan, everybody wanted to completely blame me. But those who really knew me like Mina, Ann, Lynn and Betty, knew when I shared what happened. They knew my truth and assured me, they were behind me. I love them for that. Two of those ladies have since passed, but shall never be forgotten.
For those two ladies help make me a better person, I know the task was hard. I might have added a few gray hairs to their head. They should patience and love, something that went lacking since I could remember. God knows just who to place in your life. Not everyone was good for me, so it was my job to know the difference. Which I failed to do from time to time. I always gravitated towards the wrong people; I had to learn to do better. Mina and Ann was always there to give me their input.
After so much turmoil, anger, and anguish in my life, I needed to seek counseling. I counseled with both Christian and secular counselors. I secluded my self for a couple of years, not going of the house for anything but groceries, and to walk the dog. My daughter and I spent a great amount of time in Colorado. To experience change. But people are people no matter where you are.
One day I ran across the daughter of my friend Ann; she invited me to her church. I received my break through that day. I cried and cried, it was unbelievable, God had touched my heart giving me the release/relief and cleansing I needed. I thought I had already received that break through, when mom had apologized on her death bed. A lifting of the spirit had come over me, it was if my heart sank to my stomach. It felt so good, I no longer had that desire to seek out that older motherly figure, I once thought I needed.
So when I listened to Tyler Perry’s interview, and thought what an amazing man, to financial take care of this person who abused him as a child. It could only be God, all knowing and all powerful. I am free to be! At last!
ENCOURAGE YOURSELF: Get the necessary help that is needed to help make you a better person, whether it is counseling, giving your life to God, worshipping, self help videos, anything that will help you in a positive manner. Find yourself doing just that. The bible says in Proverbs 18:21 Death and Life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.