Behind this beautiful scene, where one thinks it’s peaceful and loving. Where the family all gathers together for Sunday dinner, lurking behind the door of the bathroom, or even my bedroom; is evil in it’s boldest form. My life as a child growing up with 11 siblings. I want to share my childhood experience with all. When I was in the first grade, one of my siblings( my older sister) thought they would take it upon themselves to have their way with me. I cannot even remember why I would keep such a secret. Why didn’t I tell mom, I wonder today. How could something go on as long as it did; without mom having any knowledge of what was going on.
There was so much tension, dis-function, molestation, and fighting with one another; it got to the point where we just couldn’t get along. I absolutely believe we hated each other. The dis-respect, the personal violation was more than I could handle. I think that’s why I love being by myself today, especially in my personal space. Well my daughter is the total opposite, I guess that’s because she is an only child. I on the other hand have 7 sisters, and had 4 brothers; two brothers who are now deceased.
I remember as an 7 year old, hating my mom, my brothers and sisters; except my baby sister. I hated being in that house, going home from school each day. I wouldn’t talk to my mom, unless I had to. Like saying “good morning”, “yes ma’am” when spoken to. If I failed to respond like that, then it was my behind. I recall mom saying when I was a child she couldn’t get me to talk, and as a adult she couldn’t get me to shut up. Well by that time I had a lot to say, and was going to be heard. Even though it meant mom putting me out her house on occasions, and threatening to call the police on me, if I did’t leave.
I would ask God, why me? This old lady I met kept telling me that “Jesus loves me”; but I didn’t feel it, know it or believe it. As a matter of fact, I felt like God hated me and wasn’t concerned about me at all. Why would He give me this family, OMG! Boy did I have ill feelings towards these crazy, mean diabolical, damnable creatures. “Oh God please hear my cry”, was my prayer if you are real. “Why couldn’t they have given me away? The thought of suicide crossed my mind, but I would never take my life because they would be too happy. But imagine being 12yrs old and wanting to be rid of your family to that extreme.
The devil plagued me every day I could remember, as long as I was in that house. I was so glad when I graduated from high school and moved out. It was one of the best times in my life, besides graduating; even though my mom didn’t attend my graduation. Yes! she was home that night, even had the nerve to say she didn’t see my name in the program, so consequently I probably didn’t graduate. It was hurt on top of hurt. What kind of mom does that? When I tell you no one has ever hurt me like my family did, I truly mean that. It goes deeper than any thing you could ever imagine.
The tragic hurtful sexual misconduct, the fighting and arguing all the time. The lack of respect toward one another has caused me to separate myself from most of those siblings. I love hanging with my sister Ann, but the rest of them God will have to personally come down from heaven to mend this situation. I have been a little reluctant to mingle with them. I am not saying it cannot be down, I’m just saying, it will take the God who sits high and looks low, to show His supreme awesomeness. Otherwise it gonna take six pastors, ten cops, and five counselors with this massive problem. OK that was just a joke!
In my mind I have divorced these siblings for the most part. I will make small talk if I should come in contact with them. But truly don’t see this happening. I have no resentment, but I have raised my daughter, helping with grandkids, and have moved on with my life. My life is very good now, and refuse to have evil, or any type of disfunction in my life. I control this life, now.
ENCOURAGE YOURSELF: No matter the obstacle in your life, you can overcome any thing you put your mind to. Sometimes it takes a little counseling, prayer, worshiping, or crying out to God. Separating yourself from people, even if its your family. Sometimes family is your worse nightmare. If they are not lifting you up, encouraging you, and pushing you to be the best you, you can be. The first thing to do is to run and not walk.
Do away with people like that! This little old lady used to tell me, you can love people, but do it from a distance.